So I'm sitting here in the library, having got off work a good two hours ago... and I cannot seem to drag myself away from the computer. I'm tired, I have some homework to do, and the computer is gonna kick me off soon cuz the library is closing. But here i sit. *sigh* Its cuz I didn't check my email, facebook or anything online for THREE DAYS. *gasp* i had 30 new emails in my inbox. 20-some facebook notifications. I felt sorta loved, not gonna lie.
Anyways, there is a reason I picked "moist" as my title of choice. Well, no good reason. Because in all honesty, I had no ideas and so I picked a random word. BUT there is a "story" behind it. My cousin has an aversion to the word. she always used to hate when it was used. and when I think about it, it IS a strange word. But if you think about it in context, like moist sheets, or a moist cave...it just sort of leaves a gritty, sorta weird taste in your mouth. Just thought I'd share =)
I really have nothing of profundity and wisdom to share with you all today. Um, random tidbits of information: Mexico is happening again in like five days. my co-worker bought me three new ties (YEEEEAH! this excites me, btw...). I made bank at work last night. I made nothing at work tonight. I learned how to say "you will feel as light as a feather" today in spanish: vas a sentir asi ligera como una pluma. I like it when the sky is blue and the weather is cool and crisp (like today was). The library is giving me 8 minutes and 25 seconds to get off the computer. I was told today that when i prayed for my food, it was refreshing and delightful for that person to see someone pray before dinner. I miss playing piano...I really need to make time for that. I wish i had an automatic hugging mannequin so that I could fill my daily quota. I'm pretty far behind.
And now I'll sign off so I can get to bed. After I read. and floss my teeth. Because Dr. Lawrence V-somethin'-somethin' told me that if I floss daily, I'll reduce the growth and spreading of cavities. This sounds like a good option for me.
you would take care to floss your teeth as well. Just sayin'
ttfn (tata for now!)
xoxo
Monday, November 16, 2009
Monday, November 09, 2009
can you say, WOOT!
Yeah, thats right. You KNOW you want to say it outloud. I know I do. But I'm in the library, and they'd probably kick me out for indecent...noise making?
Allow me to describe the circumstances that led to this wonderfulness.
(and notice I said circumstances, meaning that they are subject to change and are NOT what my joy and contentment with life is hinged upon. but fantastic, they are, none-the-less.)
anyways.
#1) I woke up in good time, got ready, managed to look presentable and wasn't too grumpy! (this is quite an accomplishment, btw)
#2) Chapel was amazing. Sat with a good friend, heard a wonderful message of truth. and sang praises to God. mmm it always does my heart good to start my day with my Father.
#3) I got the sweetest, most unexpected blessing from some friends. It made me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
#4) STATS CLASS IS CANCELLED!!! (and I apologize for giving this reason all caps, but seriously, you don't know how ecstatic I am....this is like finding out that your mom made your favorite meal and its not even your birthday. or...being sent an anonymous check in the mail with a note that says, "don't spend it all in one place...make it at least three or four!")
#5) I have the lingering memories of a phenomenal weekend that left me so blessed, filled up and ready to face the week!
And at this point, surprisingly, I'm at a loss for words. There are just so many things to talk about, but nothing that jumps to mind.
ok, I got it.
I am a classic American. My life is go, go, go. Always. I have a hard time slowing down, and stepping back from the business and stuff of life. And when I say stuff, I mean, EVERYTHING. it is so inclusive. The meetings, work, social obligations, facebook, phone calls, texts, class, even church, events, everything. They fill up my life so much. every moment in fact, if I let it.
So I am learning how to, as my dear mother says, just "shhh....be still." I am learning how to let God talk to me...to know Him, be comfortable in His presence.
It is a challenge, but one that I hope to overcome, as I know my God more and more each day.
Blessings on you. be strong.
Allow me to describe the circumstances that led to this wonderfulness.
(and notice I said circumstances, meaning that they are subject to change and are NOT what my joy and contentment with life is hinged upon. but fantastic, they are, none-the-less.)
anyways.
#1) I woke up in good time, got ready, managed to look presentable and wasn't too grumpy! (this is quite an accomplishment, btw)
#2) Chapel was amazing. Sat with a good friend, heard a wonderful message of truth. and sang praises to God. mmm it always does my heart good to start my day with my Father.
#3) I got the sweetest, most unexpected blessing from some friends. It made me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
#4) STATS CLASS IS CANCELLED!!! (and I apologize for giving this reason all caps, but seriously, you don't know how ecstatic I am....this is like finding out that your mom made your favorite meal and its not even your birthday. or...being sent an anonymous check in the mail with a note that says, "don't spend it all in one place...make it at least three or four!")
#5) I have the lingering memories of a phenomenal weekend that left me so blessed, filled up and ready to face the week!
And at this point, surprisingly, I'm at a loss for words. There are just so many things to talk about, but nothing that jumps to mind.
ok, I got it.
I am a classic American. My life is go, go, go. Always. I have a hard time slowing down, and stepping back from the business and stuff of life. And when I say stuff, I mean, EVERYTHING. it is so inclusive. The meetings, work, social obligations, facebook, phone calls, texts, class, even church, events, everything. They fill up my life so much. every moment in fact, if I let it.
So I am learning how to, as my dear mother says, just "shhh....be still." I am learning how to let God talk to me...to know Him, be comfortable in His presence.
It is a challenge, but one that I hope to overcome, as I know my God more and more each day.
Blessings on you. be strong.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
...and there it goes.
After racking my brain for a good...well 30 seconds, I could think of only one thing I dislike about California. and that would be the fickle weather. It's quite possibly the most annoying thing...EVER. (ugh, I hate making rash statements like that, but since life is short and could end at any moment...I have to live in the moment =)
Anyways, point of all that is to say it is now like 75-80 degrees outside. I keep layering though, just in case it happens to get tired of shining balmy sun-rays down on me and decides to downpour some rain. But it NEVER does! and here I am, in a flannel shirt and jeans, with an unfulfilled wish and some sweat dripping down my back. bleh. thankfully the library is air-conditioned.
On a totally random note, I thought I'd share a story. For a little background...Any of you who don't know this already, the Klotzle side of the family has a gene that leads to unsteadiness of hands. This means that not only do our hands have the propensity to shake when we concentrate on them being very still (why none of us are surgeons) but they shake when they are just being as well. I am blessed (?) with this gene and so my hands naturally shake. (not to mention they are practically useless when I'm nervous!)
Anyways, last week, I'm sitting in class with a group working on questions and this girl I don't really know is just staring at my hand which is holding a pen and pretty obviously shaking. Our eyes meet and her look is one of slight disbelief and awe, as if she just caught a rebellious, Biola closet drug-user and really wants to jump up and tell someone. I sort of snicker inside myself, sorta sad to break it to her that its a mere genetic trait and that she won't recieve snitch of the year for busting a student breaking contract. (now that may sound mean to you, but it seriously felt like that!) I pull my thoughts and composure together and with as casual a shrug as I can muster I look back at my hand wistfully and say, "oh that...yeah it runs in the family and I can't help it." You would have thought I'd just announced that I'm a werewolf and I'm explaining how I change back and forth. Her eyes widen with new interest and then disbelief. faint mocking colors her words, "whaaat? you mean you can't stop it? stuff like that 'runs in the family?'"
I inwardly roll my eyes and try to explain it to her nonchalantly, "Yes, my dad, uncles, aunts...most of us have unsteady hands. they shake involuntarily. sometimes its worse than other times..."
She still obviously doesn't believe me, her eyes betray her...but she covers with a polite smile and responds, "Oh ok...cuz I thought maybe you had way too much caffeine or something." (nervous giggle) psh. as if. we all knew you thought I was a druggie. or a werewolf.
Anyways, the whole rest of the session she tries to look away, but is still slightly fascinated-almost morbidly so- in my shaking appendage. I knew that "Biola Bubble" was influential, but I didn't know just how much... poor girl. Someday she might actually meet someone with a real problem or handicap...goodness knows what she'll do then! maybe its my job to ease her into the world of abnormalities. Next step: I'll bend my thumb all the way backwards and see how that goes. baby steps...
And such is my life.
Can't say I'm hating it!
Anyways, point of all that is to say it is now like 75-80 degrees outside. I keep layering though, just in case it happens to get tired of shining balmy sun-rays down on me and decides to downpour some rain. But it NEVER does! and here I am, in a flannel shirt and jeans, with an unfulfilled wish and some sweat dripping down my back. bleh. thankfully the library is air-conditioned.
On a totally random note, I thought I'd share a story. For a little background...Any of you who don't know this already, the Klotzle side of the family has a gene that leads to unsteadiness of hands. This means that not only do our hands have the propensity to shake when we concentrate on them being very still (why none of us are surgeons) but they shake when they are just being as well. I am blessed (?) with this gene and so my hands naturally shake. (not to mention they are practically useless when I'm nervous!)
Anyways, last week, I'm sitting in class with a group working on questions and this girl I don't really know is just staring at my hand which is holding a pen and pretty obviously shaking. Our eyes meet and her look is one of slight disbelief and awe, as if she just caught a rebellious, Biola closet drug-user and really wants to jump up and tell someone. I sort of snicker inside myself, sorta sad to break it to her that its a mere genetic trait and that she won't recieve snitch of the year for busting a student breaking contract. (now that may sound mean to you, but it seriously felt like that!) I pull my thoughts and composure together and with as casual a shrug as I can muster I look back at my hand wistfully and say, "oh that...yeah it runs in the family and I can't help it." You would have thought I'd just announced that I'm a werewolf and I'm explaining how I change back and forth. Her eyes widen with new interest and then disbelief. faint mocking colors her words, "whaaat? you mean you can't stop it? stuff like that 'runs in the family?'"
I inwardly roll my eyes and try to explain it to her nonchalantly, "Yes, my dad, uncles, aunts...most of us have unsteady hands. they shake involuntarily. sometimes its worse than other times..."
She still obviously doesn't believe me, her eyes betray her...but she covers with a polite smile and responds, "Oh ok...cuz I thought maybe you had way too much caffeine or something." (nervous giggle) psh. as if. we all knew you thought I was a druggie. or a werewolf.
Anyways, the whole rest of the session she tries to look away, but is still slightly fascinated-almost morbidly so- in my shaking appendage. I knew that "Biola Bubble" was influential, but I didn't know just how much... poor girl. Someday she might actually meet someone with a real problem or handicap...goodness knows what she'll do then! maybe its my job to ease her into the world of abnormalities. Next step: I'll bend my thumb all the way backwards and see how that goes. baby steps...
And such is my life.
Can't say I'm hating it!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
rain, rain...DON'T GO AWAY!
I really wish I had a fun post planned, with lots of pictures and cute witty captions. But I don't. Instead I have a post that will be a pleasing sight for those of an *ahem* older generation with all my capital letters and punctuation and spelling up to par. Twill be a balm for their eyes...an oasis of hope in the dry, thirsting desert of cyber-communication. Now please be aware that I do in fact, make mistakes, as I am only human. So if an occasional "lol" or "cuz" slips out, do know that it isn't my intention and I probably just couldn't sub-conciously stand the formality and bondage of proper/correct writing.
With that being said, I would like to inform the reading populous that I love winter. Well, allow me to clarify. I love winter in California. Yes, yes I know that it is only October, which qualifies as fall...but still. It's basically winter. It has been cloudy, nippy and we've EVEN had a slight downpour yesterday. I was ecstatic. Not only is waking up on a cold, rainy day one of my all time favorite things to do, but walking IN the rain is pretty much a joy. If I was writing a song entitled "My Favorite Things" (sung to the tune so dear to our Sound of Music hearts) I would include a verse about raindrops on everything and maybe some whiskers on cougers. (Because to only have raindrops on roses is limiting to my rain and whiskers on kittens is far too tame of a concept!)
WHICH reminds me. When I was little, I used to have fun with my cat by sticking her whiskers up her nose and making her sneeze. Haha. Oh my. Ok, sorry. Back on track.
Rain. Ok, we're done with rain. Let me tell you about last night/this morning. (Keep in mind this is National California Earthquake Day) I had stayed up until about 3:30 am. (Mumzy, please don't gasp in horror. I got plenty enough beauty sleep and was even awake for class this morning) I had finished class around 9:30 pm, procrastinated my evening away (reading blogs, mind you) until about 11:45. Then I met a friend for coffee and we talked until 2-ish. After which I stayed up for another hour studying for a midterm I had this morning. Anyways. After waking up and taking my shower, I had JUST returned to my room (still not dressed or anything) and the fire alarm goes off. My dorm's fire alarm is like a "friend" who is always in your life but who stays away enough that you forget they're there...but comes back at the most inoportune moments to remind you they still exist for the sole purpose of making your life miserable. (No, that does NOT come from personal experience. Merely pure speculation of what I always imagined someone like that would be like.) In any case, I less than five minutes to get dressed, gather my things, brush my hair, make sure I had all my books in case they didn't let us back in before my class started and run down the stairs to the baseball field.
Needless to say (although I will say it anyways...) I was annoyed beyond words. I ended up making it to class, and took my exam. My poor roommate, though was actually in the MIDDLE of her shower when it went off. And they fine you $50 if you are in the building when they do their sweep-through. *sigh* oh how they nickel and dime you.
Now I sit, in the computer lab, contemplating my mornings events. My stomach is protesting that it has not been fed, my mind is rapidly forgetting any and all information regarding World Civilization History prior to the dates covered in the exam and my goose-bumps are telling me its a bit chilly.
Today is a fickle day. One of those ones where there is nothing you can really complain about, but yet you can totally find a list a mile long of things to complain about. I choose...no complaining. God's too good for that! a) He gave me awesome weather! b) The fire alarm was only for a drill, and not a real fire or earthquake. c) I was actually out of the shower at the time of the alarm. d) I made it to class on time. e) Exam wasn't fatal. f) I'm about to go eat yummy food. g) oh yeah, how could I forget... I am a child of the King!
Doesn't get much better than that!
xoxo
With that being said, I would like to inform the reading populous that I love winter. Well, allow me to clarify. I love winter in California. Yes, yes I know that it is only October, which qualifies as fall...but still. It's basically winter. It has been cloudy, nippy and we've EVEN had a slight downpour yesterday. I was ecstatic. Not only is waking up on a cold, rainy day one of my all time favorite things to do, but walking IN the rain is pretty much a joy. If I was writing a song entitled "My Favorite Things" (sung to the tune so dear to our Sound of Music hearts) I would include a verse about raindrops on everything and maybe some whiskers on cougers. (Because to only have raindrops on roses is limiting to my rain and whiskers on kittens is far too tame of a concept!)
WHICH reminds me. When I was little, I used to have fun with my cat by sticking her whiskers up her nose and making her sneeze. Haha. Oh my. Ok, sorry. Back on track.
Rain. Ok, we're done with rain. Let me tell you about last night/this morning. (Keep in mind this is National California Earthquake Day) I had stayed up until about 3:30 am. (Mumzy, please don't gasp in horror. I got plenty enough beauty sleep and was even awake for class this morning) I had finished class around 9:30 pm, procrastinated my evening away (reading blogs, mind you) until about 11:45. Then I met a friend for coffee and we talked until 2-ish. After which I stayed up for another hour studying for a midterm I had this morning. Anyways. After waking up and taking my shower, I had JUST returned to my room (still not dressed or anything) and the fire alarm goes off. My dorm's fire alarm is like a "friend" who is always in your life but who stays away enough that you forget they're there...but comes back at the most inoportune moments to remind you they still exist for the sole purpose of making your life miserable. (No, that does NOT come from personal experience. Merely pure speculation of what I always imagined someone like that would be like.) In any case, I less than five minutes to get dressed, gather my things, brush my hair, make sure I had all my books in case they didn't let us back in before my class started and run down the stairs to the baseball field.
Needless to say (although I will say it anyways...) I was annoyed beyond words. I ended up making it to class, and took my exam. My poor roommate, though was actually in the MIDDLE of her shower when it went off. And they fine you $50 if you are in the building when they do their sweep-through. *sigh* oh how they nickel and dime you.
Now I sit, in the computer lab, contemplating my mornings events. My stomach is protesting that it has not been fed, my mind is rapidly forgetting any and all information regarding World Civilization History prior to the dates covered in the exam and my goose-bumps are telling me its a bit chilly.
Today is a fickle day. One of those ones where there is nothing you can really complain about, but yet you can totally find a list a mile long of things to complain about. I choose...no complaining. God's too good for that! a) He gave me awesome weather! b) The fire alarm was only for a drill, and not a real fire or earthquake. c) I was actually out of the shower at the time of the alarm. d) I made it to class on time. e) Exam wasn't fatal. f) I'm about to go eat yummy food. g) oh yeah, how could I forget... I am a child of the King!
Doesn't get much better than that!
xoxo
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
a day in the life
per a delightful request of an un-named sister-in-law (haha good thing i have two!), i shall document a day in my life. hmmm the question is WHICH day!? lets do wednesdays:
8:15- alarm goes off. i push snooze a million times until...
8:30-finally i roll out of bed, and have given myself 45 minutes to get ready for the day.
8:30-9:15- shower/basic self-maintenance, struggle with indecision about what to wear and how to do my hair, a quick gathering of books for the day, double pat pockets to make sure i have my key/ID, grab my phone and wish my roomies a nice day.
9:15-9:30-grab a coffee if the line at Commons isn't long, head over to the gym for chapel (if it is a lucky day, i meet cousin jonathan), find my seat. Yes, i have a seat. it is predictable and the same. and with the risk of a serial killer reading this and finding out exactly where i sit for chapels and sniping me, its on the right-hand side, second set of bleachers from the front, four rows up.
9:30-10:15- song worship, chapel speaker, quick hellos to friends on our way out (we're hearded like cattle at the end...and i think if someone yelled "FIRE" it'd be a perfect example of mob-mentality and i'd probably get trampled cuz of my shortness. needless to say, i have never yelled "FIRE")
10:15-12:00- I hang out, do homework, grab a bite to eat if i feel so moved...to be perfectly honest, i always want to go back to my room for a nap, but it never really works out like that...
12:00-1:15- Stats class. ugh. this is the epitome of terrible in my day. well its mixed feelings cuz i sit with some fun kids. so this class consists of half-listening, teaching myself the problems, passing notes to the kids to my left or right and laughing at the dumb baseball boys and their immature humor haha.
1:15-1:30- i walk from McNally to Sutherland, either with a friend or on the phone. or FAKE on the phone...but thats in case i'm passing someone i don't want to talk to, i just pretend to be in the middle of a super deep conversation so they feel bad for doing/saying anything more than a simple nod or wave in my direction. its foolproof. then when i get to Sutherland I talk to Liam. he's my friend. our classes are right next to eachother. he helps me with spanish homework sometimes. which cuts it close cuz...
1:30-2:45- Spanish! y me gusta este clase mucho. we do lots of talking in spanish...always good in a language class. My profesora likes me a lot and calls me "Susana." I have good friends in that class, and i love the language so good times all around.
2:45-7:00- this is my biggest gap of time EVER. besides when i sleep. I am normally pretty hungry at this time, cuz if i didn't eat before stats...i haven't eaten all day. but I don't want to eat at 3, cuz then by the time all my friends want to eat dinnner, i will have already eaten. *sigh* So i grab a fruitsnack pack from my room, gulp some juice, and maaaybe have some honey-mustard pretzels (i just had to re-type that word like 4 times to get the correct spelling...). Anyways...i do my homework for my next class and find a friend to have dinner with. then I head over to Business 207
7:00-9:50- Criminology class! WOOHOO! this is why i picked wednesdays...so i could tell you about my favoritest class and profesor EVER. She's a Probation Officer (what I wanna do) with kids in LA. we basically sit for close to three hours talking about crime, gangs, punishments, laws, and lots and lots of stories from her and other classmates. its amazing. i ask lots of questions. cuz it fascinates me to no end. pretty ridiculous =)
10:00-12:00-If my teacher isn't too tired, me and another girl will chill afterwards and talk about life, relationships, the job, the stress, the joys of life...everything basically. I was included in this talk inadvertantly a few weeks ago, and i am so blessed by it! I love Miss G (my prof) SO much. she's super awesome and real.
12:00-who knows when- I go back to my room, get ready for bed, eat some more random food, talk to the roomies about any random experience...or not so random. sometimes i just talk about whatever... if i have hw due the next day, try to work on it, check email, facebook etc...chat online and then fall asleep with my phone out texting one of two friends. (we enjoy late-night texting haha)
There you go. thats my day. tis wonderful, and i love it. Wednesdays are my fav!
any questions, let me know...i'll be here all week...actually year. well forever if we're being completely candid. love.
8:15- alarm goes off. i push snooze a million times until...
8:30-finally i roll out of bed, and have given myself 45 minutes to get ready for the day.
8:30-9:15- shower/basic self-maintenance, struggle with indecision about what to wear and how to do my hair, a quick gathering of books for the day, double pat pockets to make sure i have my key/ID, grab my phone and wish my roomies a nice day.
9:15-9:30-grab a coffee if the line at Commons isn't long, head over to the gym for chapel (if it is a lucky day, i meet cousin jonathan), find my seat. Yes, i have a seat. it is predictable and the same. and with the risk of a serial killer reading this and finding out exactly where i sit for chapels and sniping me, its on the right-hand side, second set of bleachers from the front, four rows up.
9:30-10:15- song worship, chapel speaker, quick hellos to friends on our way out (we're hearded like cattle at the end...and i think if someone yelled "FIRE" it'd be a perfect example of mob-mentality and i'd probably get trampled cuz of my shortness. needless to say, i have never yelled "FIRE")
10:15-12:00- I hang out, do homework, grab a bite to eat if i feel so moved...to be perfectly honest, i always want to go back to my room for a nap, but it never really works out like that...
12:00-1:15- Stats class. ugh. this is the epitome of terrible in my day. well its mixed feelings cuz i sit with some fun kids. so this class consists of half-listening, teaching myself the problems, passing notes to the kids to my left or right and laughing at the dumb baseball boys and their immature humor haha.
1:15-1:30- i walk from McNally to Sutherland, either with a friend or on the phone. or FAKE on the phone...but thats in case i'm passing someone i don't want to talk to, i just pretend to be in the middle of a super deep conversation so they feel bad for doing/saying anything more than a simple nod or wave in my direction. its foolproof. then when i get to Sutherland I talk to Liam. he's my friend. our classes are right next to eachother. he helps me with spanish homework sometimes. which cuts it close cuz...
1:30-2:45- Spanish! y me gusta este clase mucho. we do lots of talking in spanish...always good in a language class. My profesora likes me a lot and calls me "Susana." I have good friends in that class, and i love the language so good times all around.
2:45-7:00- this is my biggest gap of time EVER. besides when i sleep. I am normally pretty hungry at this time, cuz if i didn't eat before stats...i haven't eaten all day. but I don't want to eat at 3, cuz then by the time all my friends want to eat dinnner, i will have already eaten. *sigh* So i grab a fruitsnack pack from my room, gulp some juice, and maaaybe have some honey-mustard pretzels (i just had to re-type that word like 4 times to get the correct spelling...). Anyways...i do my homework for my next class and find a friend to have dinner with. then I head over to Business 207
7:00-9:50- Criminology class! WOOHOO! this is why i picked wednesdays...so i could tell you about my favoritest class and profesor EVER. She's a Probation Officer (what I wanna do) with kids in LA. we basically sit for close to three hours talking about crime, gangs, punishments, laws, and lots and lots of stories from her and other classmates. its amazing. i ask lots of questions. cuz it fascinates me to no end. pretty ridiculous =)
10:00-12:00-If my teacher isn't too tired, me and another girl will chill afterwards and talk about life, relationships, the job, the stress, the joys of life...everything basically. I was included in this talk inadvertantly a few weeks ago, and i am so blessed by it! I love Miss G (my prof) SO much. she's super awesome and real.
12:00-who knows when- I go back to my room, get ready for bed, eat some more random food, talk to the roomies about any random experience...or not so random. sometimes i just talk about whatever... if i have hw due the next day, try to work on it, check email, facebook etc...chat online and then fall asleep with my phone out texting one of two friends. (we enjoy late-night texting haha)
There you go. thats my day. tis wonderful, and i love it. Wednesdays are my fav!
any questions, let me know...i'll be here all week...actually year. well forever if we're being completely candid. love.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
no homework!?
I know, I know...how could there be NO homework! and the truth of the matter is, there IS homework. i COULD read the syllabus far in advance and do all my reading for the next million weeks...OR spend time updating my blog. i chooooose...hmm this is hard...ok, the latter. But to be equally as truthful, I don't have anything due today. so I figure if tomorrow doesn't come, why should I have done extra homework? this is why I take one day at a time. Brilliant, if you ask me.
But since you didn't (ask me, that is)...I shall resort to talking about other things. Like my life.
Facts:
1. I love my job. I wonder how some people wake up in the morning and dread going into work EVERY day. can't even imagine. Yes, sometimes I get tired of the endless service of people who think my sole purpose for exsistence is to make sure that their steak comes out medium rare and not well done. But seriously, my job is like one of those puzzles. I am given clues, a problem to solve, the tools to do it and all i have to do is figure out which tools fix which problem and how to make the most money off of it. and i enjoy the challenge. and the money, if we're being completely candid =)
and through all of the good-natured mocking of my beliefs (Oh suzy, you're going to spend your weekends knocking on doors and telling people about Jesus), the powdered-sugar fights (that cook has it coming to him...) and the teasing of my personality (Suzy you're like one of those dolls with a string that you pull on the back and she just starts talking and doesn't stop)...i think they kinda like me deep down =)
2. I love my school. and i mean, with not a class before 10:30 am, no class on friday's and friends in every class...how could i not!? And speaking of classes...i have one starting in twenty minutes. bleh. which means I may need to cut this post short. or just archive it and come back later. yes, thats what I'll do. so this portion up to this point was written prior to 12 noon, that which follows will be at a later date =)
aaaaaand I'm back! it is now the next day and turns out i DID have homework to do...i just forgot. and I know that sounds lame, but it seriously is the worst feeling ever. I was all excited cuz I thought I had finished it all, didn't even cross my mind to do 10 verb conjugations for spanish... and i was so ignorantly celebratory. *sigh* maybe I should invest in a day planner.
I am actually going to wrap this up because if not it will probably never get posted.
But on a more spiritual note... I have really been encouraged lately by a good friend and some close family to really keep in mind the promises of God. I get so discouraged sometimes when I feel that my value and my worth are not very high. and that is when i'm looking at how my circumstances aren't producing tangible evidence of how much I matter. And it gets me down. But God has laid out so many promises for me in His Word and I am going to share a few with you.
-Daughter, I am with you wherever you go. (Gen 28:15)
-I will never let you go, even when you are walking through you're darkest valleys (matt redman song: You Never Let Go)
-If you were the only person on the earth I STILL would have come and died for you.
-You are beautiful because I made you, and you are Mine. and I never make mistakes (from You are Special by Max Lucado)
-There is now no condemnation for you, if you walk after the Spirit and live as I did. (Romans 8:1)
-if the ocean were ink, the sky a scroll and someone wrote from the beginning of time to the end, it would not come close to describing the love I have for you. (the hymn: The love of God)
if only i can remember these all the time.
blessings xoxo
But since you didn't (ask me, that is)...I shall resort to talking about other things. Like my life.
Facts:
1. I love my job. I wonder how some people wake up in the morning and dread going into work EVERY day. can't even imagine. Yes, sometimes I get tired of the endless service of people who think my sole purpose for exsistence is to make sure that their steak comes out medium rare and not well done. But seriously, my job is like one of those puzzles. I am given clues, a problem to solve, the tools to do it and all i have to do is figure out which tools fix which problem and how to make the most money off of it. and i enjoy the challenge. and the money, if we're being completely candid =)
and through all of the good-natured mocking of my beliefs (Oh suzy, you're going to spend your weekends knocking on doors and telling people about Jesus), the powdered-sugar fights (that cook has it coming to him...) and the teasing of my personality (Suzy you're like one of those dolls with a string that you pull on the back and she just starts talking and doesn't stop)...i think they kinda like me deep down =)
2. I love my school. and i mean, with not a class before 10:30 am, no class on friday's and friends in every class...how could i not!? And speaking of classes...i have one starting in twenty minutes. bleh. which means I may need to cut this post short. or just archive it and come back later. yes, thats what I'll do. so this portion up to this point was written prior to 12 noon, that which follows will be at a later date =)
aaaaaand I'm back! it is now the next day and turns out i DID have homework to do...i just forgot. and I know that sounds lame, but it seriously is the worst feeling ever. I was all excited cuz I thought I had finished it all, didn't even cross my mind to do 10 verb conjugations for spanish... and i was so ignorantly celebratory. *sigh* maybe I should invest in a day planner.
I am actually going to wrap this up because if not it will probably never get posted.
But on a more spiritual note... I have really been encouraged lately by a good friend and some close family to really keep in mind the promises of God. I get so discouraged sometimes when I feel that my value and my worth are not very high. and that is when i'm looking at how my circumstances aren't producing tangible evidence of how much I matter. And it gets me down. But God has laid out so many promises for me in His Word and I am going to share a few with you.
-Daughter, I am with you wherever you go. (Gen 28:15)
-I will never let you go, even when you are walking through you're darkest valleys (matt redman song: You Never Let Go)
-If you were the only person on the earth I STILL would have come and died for you.
-You are beautiful because I made you, and you are Mine. and I never make mistakes (from You are Special by Max Lucado)
-There is now no condemnation for you, if you walk after the Spirit and live as I did. (Romans 8:1)
-if the ocean were ink, the sky a scroll and someone wrote from the beginning of time to the end, it would not come close to describing the love I have for you. (the hymn: The love of God)
if only i can remember these all the time.
blessings xoxo
Friday, August 28, 2009
just breathe
tears silently stream down my cheeks.
my heart is breaking...although the reason seems trivial enough.
"get up and try again! you'll make it this time!" is the phrase my ears are tired of hearing.
if they can say it so easily, why can't i?
how many times can my soul be told no before it crumbles into a muddled, trampled mess on the floor.
they don't know. can't possibly understand how this hurts my heart.
they said i'm a valued member of their community.
why do i feel so lost?
it is a passion. it speaks to me. i want to share it with the world...and they said no.
there are more talented people than me, people who spend hours a day perfecting their talent.
and then there's me. but can't my passion make up for the lack of perfection? apparently not.
i wanted them to say, "suzy, you're what we're looking for because we can tell you love this, your God and the people you want to serve."
but instead i hear, "well this won't work out, but if you want to take a class on it..."
a class. as though someone could write it in a book and make a powerpoint lecture out of it.
sure, technique can always be polished. but a class? for my heart's desire?
i guess anything's possible these days
my biggest question though, tugging at my heart, is how did i misunderstand God?
didn't he open these doors? didn't he bless me with these gifts? this heart?
how could it all work out SO WELL, but then fall apart like a house of cards.
i feel myself getting jaded.
no more opportunites for them to shut me down.
if they want me they'll have to come up and ask.
no more of this me thinking i have something to offer and them politely telling me i was wrong.
i want to have patience. i want to believe the words "suzy, God has something for you...just wait"
i don't want your pity. no feeling sorry for me.
i want a hug.
someone to share my pain with me.
to acknowledge how bad it hurts me, even if they don't understand.
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